Love is Patient

Life has been crazy here at The Grove, but when isn't life crazy. Perhaps if I were better at noticing moments of peace I would experience more peace, but I'm not so here we are. I wouldn't trade my kids, husband, family and church in for anything, though on the challenging days and island hopping cruise ship does come to mind.

Drifting off to sleep the other night, after a difficult evening with my almost three-nager, I found myself musing over 1 Corinthians 13 - in particular the litany of love adjectives. I imagined Paul dictating the letter to a scribe, caught up in the poetry of the moment, his heart full of emotion as he tried to communicate all that he felt for the Corinthians and hoped for them, even as they were in the midst of their own struggles as a church. As he began listing the qualities of love in concrete terms, he began with patient.

If you had asked me before this caught my eye how I would define love, I probably would start with kind. From there I would consider terms like compassionate. Selfless. Gracious. Forgiving. I don't think the word patient would even have ranked. Love might be patient, but me, I'm not. I love dreaming, new beginnings and progress. I know how to persevere through circumstances, but persevering with people puts me into a mental tailspin of annoyance and self-doubt.

But love is patient.

Paul wrote "love is patient" to the Corinthian church, a church he had planted. He was in Corinth for 18 months, which for him was a long time to spend ministering in one place. Corinth was a large city known for its trade, sharp divisions between the rich and the poor, and its general moral decay - to "play the Corinthian" was a reference to sex. The idiom "not every man can afford the trip to Corinth" was a more ominous predecessor to "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas."

I feel like no matter where you live, you can probably relate to being surrounded by this sort of culture. Paul was deeply invested in the Corinthians, and while in a different city he heard that the church was struggling. Struggling with sin, divisiveness, misplaced pride and more. It is to this group of people who Paul chooses to define love, and he starts out a list of qualities by saying: love is patient.

Patience seems to be the part of love that trips me up the most. I can show kindness. I can rejoice for other's successes. . I can be humble, respectful, selfless. But to do that without a time frame? Without limits? THAT requires patience. Makrothumia describes patience toward a person, as opposed to patience in a circumstance (the Greek word for patience in circumstances is Hupomone). Makrothumia is patience for a person without reaction, calmness  for a person in the face of suffering, good-natured tolerance  for a person. 

I'm emphasizing for a person because in my own life, I struggle with this. I am better at placidly enduring circumstances, reasoning that the only way out is often through. However, when it comes to people I am much less patient. I tend to imagine that "the only way out is to avoid" and I will more often walk away, or snap, than take a long-suffering approach. Because I deserve better, you know? If you want to keep on being a jerk, well, fine. You do you, I'll do me. Sayonara, and good luck.

But love is patient. We're invited into more than self-serving relationships, more than reactionary avoidance. Love is patient. And we're able to extend love like this  because we serve a God who is the incarnation of Makrothumia. When we mess up for the umpteenth time, he doesn't run away. He isn't even surprised. He looks at us through the covering of his son's sacrifice, and gives us another chance. And when we mess up again, he continues loving us with his whole heart, vulnerable and open. The patient love God has for us inspires us to love others. What's more, we love with his strength, his patience, not our own.

In my own life this plays out in every day ways. So right now I'm trying to remember that Love. Is. Patient. The daily nature of relationships, especially in families, requires it to be. So when I struggle to  set myself aside one more time because my kids demand my ceaseless, undivided attention...love is patient. When I need to correct my daughter one more time for the same thing, I choose to be calm instead of exasperated because...love is patient. When the same issue intrudes in our marriage, again, and I want to be insistent, indignant and full of defensive blame, I will choose grace for us both because...love is patient. When the change I hope for in someone doesn't take place, even though I've prayed and tried and "fulfilled my end of the bargain," I will keep my heart open because...love is patient.